It was a busy day on the middle month of May. The Meralco grilling has brought much work to do. A lot of readings to be done to be updated with the issues. As a way of relieving stress i do the cutting of clippings to the pasting and to be sure that it is done correctly. A visitor came one day to have his clearance signed by me. It was Ariel who was once a part of my life(it's a secret). I used to admire this man because of his character, he is a good man. Although we have been through tough times he was able to deal with my bad moods. He used to send me messages that captivated my heart more to his charm. I've kept what i felt and just enjoy the friendship until our officemate started teasing the two of us. Love has gone kaput. Until one summer i had a new assignment at Meralco. Twas the saddest moment for me because i will be away from my friends as well us from him, i didn't realize that i will miss him also. but then there is nothing i can do because it was the direction of the management. with a heavy heart i left MMLDC. And now it is his turn to leave us. after many years of discerning his calling now it is time to listen to the call. we had a little chat about how he was able to come up with such decision. remembering those cherished days with mmldc whom he has learned to love. i wanted to ask if i'm one of those people whom he can't forget but i never had the courage to do so. i still have reservations in doing such thing but when he left i called him and gave him a hug, with tears. i didn't know what he felt at that moment but what i felt was a brotherly love. i have mixed emotions then happy that he will serve the Lord and at the same time sad because i will not see him at MMLDC again not in the near future. Life is like that, people will come and go in our lives, but some leave a mark embedded in our hearts.

Death of a friend
i was shocked when i heard of the news. i have never seen this friend of mine for a long time.
he was a good father to his three children and a loving husband to his wife. there is sadness in their eyes but total acceptance for they saw him suffered. we cannot avoid the fact that we all have to face our own death. it won't be easy , perhaps it is easier than done. it is a difficult transition for all of us. life is a journey and at the end of the journey we have to go back to where we really belong, the life that is eternal where there will be no more tears and sufferings. in the end nothing seems to matter, what matters most is what we have done and how much did we love. as i quote one of the lines of my poem "Goodbye is such a sweet sorrow, prepare for tomorrow for life is just borrowed.

the waiting is over. was brought to the hospital jan. 12 to face another page of my life which i have to deal with courage and strength. i don't know what will be the outcome all i know is i put my trust completely in Him. i was visited by friends before my operation, kaye, amor and deedee was there to give me moral support. i asked chay, gina and cherry to come also so that they can pray over me, of course my sisters were also there together with mama and papa. just feel relaxed and anticipating of what will happen the next day. unfortunately i wasn't able to sleep, the night was short moving faster so that the waiting will come to an end. . early morning of jan. 13 at about 6 in the morning i was brought already to the O.R. for the surgery. was sleepy because of the medicine i took but i can't sleep until they injected me with the anaesthesia felt numbness over my body especially the lower part of my body, thus the procedure began. i was awake during the procedure because i can't breathe i was gasping for air and at the same time praying wishing that it will be over, the ordeal lasted for almost two hours. until finally i was brought to the recovery room, felt numbness in my feet, i can move them but the nurse assured me that it's just the after effect of the anesthesia. until slowly i was trying to move my toes and afterwards my feet thanks God. i was able to sleep soundly and was tired of the whole procedure. i was moved to my room and mama, papa and ninin was there didn't talk because i feel sleepy and besides i wasn't allowed to talk. Thank God I'm still alive and finally the waiting is over. I thank the people who prayed for me. Life has to go on, to another chapter of hope and loving.

the waiting

i've been out of the office for almost a week now. i feel closer to Him in this particular moment of my life. sometimes i don't know why certain things happen but i have great trust in God He knows what is best for me. the past week have been one of the darkest moments of my life because of what the doctor told me, but now have to move on and live life as it is. it's difficult to hide my weaknesses sometimes have to show it to others, it's my way of outpouring my emotions. i tried to hide from my loved ones don't want them to worry about me. have 2 more days to go before the operation i live everything to God i know He sees what's in my heart and He knows my needs, never felt closer to Him at this moment. finally the waiting will be over and i know in my heart that i will be healed through the grace of the Lord. Thank you my Creator and to the GREAT HEALER of all.

Reflections

lately i've beeng singing sad songs
thinking of what has gone wrong
am i to blame for this gloomy feeling
tired of this kind of emotion
i always end up hurt and alone
you never said goodbye
but i can feel it in your coldness
you seem so far and yet you are near
how will i confront you
i'm afraid of experiencing the same pain
slowly you're breaking my heart into pieces
how can i go on with life
feel like putting all the broken pieces again
it's not that easy to mend
it takes time to heal
thought your promise will be forever
i was wrong you've changed
am hurting and left alone again
when can i find true love
i am tired of being in love
when will my heart stop beating
will just wait for the right time
will my destiny will lead me
when that time will come
hope everyhting will fall into place
you will be there to fill my emptiness
with love and happiness
because there's you and me together
looking at the same direction
sharing an everlasting love forever.